Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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