How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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