guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm like, not good at living.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God, I missed his penis.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
