Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize