i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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