she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
