he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize