dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
