Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
