i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
