My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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