saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
