I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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