My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
