Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
