i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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