i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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