I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize