My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize