god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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