I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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