Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
