Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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