Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
