you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
