shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
