I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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