My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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