He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
