Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
