Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
