Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
