my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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