i was born a porn star she said
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
