oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize