theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
