K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
