I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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