You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pooping to opera.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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