Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
