He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
