Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
