Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
