its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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