Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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