Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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