I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
