We won't sleep together?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i came on her dog
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
