thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
