Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
