your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
