I could make wine with my vomit
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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