Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize