sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
