did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
