I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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