I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
