how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
