She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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