She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
