she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
