oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
