There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
