then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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