FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
