I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
