Tell her she can't have a vagina
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
