you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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