Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
