It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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