Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
