The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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