I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
is that a dick in a sweater?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
