thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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